The Mad Tea Party
by Ivory Tower
Summary: An insanely polite little story. Join Harry, Ron, Hermione, Malfoy, McGonagall and Snape for the oddest cup of tea you'll ever read about! Jolly good stuff! PG-13 for drug references.


Title: The Mad Tea Party  
  
Author: Ivory Tower  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters.  
  
  
One bright afternoon, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting outside Hogwarts, and having a tea party. The sun shone down on them most merrily as they chatted about this and that.  
  
"I say, Ron, be a good fellow and pass the sugar. There's a good chap."  
  
"Are these dewberry tarts not delightful," exclaimed Hermione.  
  
"Jolly good, they are," admitted Ron with a smile.  
  
Professor McGonagall passed them on her way to the Owlery.  
  
"What are you doing," she demanded.  
  
"Having a tea party," replied Harry. "Would you care to join us, madam?"  
  
For whatever reason, Professor McGonagall felt inclined to join the little tea party. She sat, rather stiffly, next to Ron.  
  
"Petite four," offered Hermione with all the grace of a wealthy hostess.  
  
"Why-yes, thank you, Miss Granger," McGonagall accepted one while Ron poured her a cup of tea. "Are you feeling quite well?"  
  
"Fit as a fiddle," chirped Harry.  
  
"Righto, old chap. I'm as right as the summer rain," put in Ron.  
  
"Oh, you do carry on, Ron. Offer madam cream and sugar for her tea," said Hermione, donning a bright blue sun hat adorned with with daisies. Harry and Ron followed suit.  
  
"Hallo! There's Malfoy strolling by the lake. I say, Malfoy, care for another spot of tea?"  
  
Malfoy, decked out in his finest dress robes, approached the table carrying a bouquet wrapped in linen.  
  
"What a regular bloke you are, Potter. I would be delighted! Are these flowers not simply glorious?"  
  
Professor McGonagall nearly dropped her tea at this. "Mr. Malfoy..." But what could she possibly say?  
  
Malfoy bowed to her, and took a seat between Ron and Harry.   
  
"Dewberry tarts," exclaimed Malfoy. "Oh! Happy day!"  
  
"Malfoy, do put on your pretty hat," said Hermione, adding another spoonful of sugar to her tea.  
  
Malfoy produced a lilac sunhat with netting and pale purple rhinestones. He tied the clever hat under his chin with wide ribbons. Both Hermione and McGonagall gasped, but for different reasons.  
  
"What a beautiful hat, Malfoy," breathed Hermione. "Oh! I believe I shall cry it is so glorious!"  
  
"Please don't carry on so, Granger," begged Malfoy. "Let us butter our scones and be of good cheer."  
  
"Capital idea," exclaimed Ron.  
  
"More tea?" Harry offered McGonagall.  
  
"Oh-no, thank you, Mr. Potter. I-I must say that all of you are getting along quite well."  
  
Malfoy paused in applying raspberry jam to his scone. "But of course we are, madam. How can one think of anything but rays of glorious sunshine on such a fine, fine day! Jolly good to all!"  
  
"Here! Here!," cried Harry, Ron, and Hermione.  
  
A dark shadow suddenly fell over them.  
  
"What, may I ask, is the meaning of this nonsense, Minerva?"  
  
"Professor Snape," cried Harry, leaping from his seat. "How splendid it is to see you!"  
  
"You simply must join us for tea," invited Hermione.  
  
"Indeed, you must," said Ron.  
  
"What a terrific idea! Oh please do stop for tea, Professor," insisted Malfoy.  
  
Snape gaped at his favorite student.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, what is that rediculus thing on your head?"  
  
"Is it not divine," inquired Malfoy, patting the glorious bonnet.  
  
"I say, I am practically green with envy," chimed Hermione.  
  
Snape looked at Professor McGonagall, who only shrugged helplessly. Snape looked beside himself when Harry went over and ushered the grumpy Potions Master into an empty chair beside Hermione.  
  
"I'm so happy," trilled Hermione. "Would you care for a crumpet, dear Professor Snape?"  
  
"Is this some sort of joke? If it is, I must telly you that I am not at all amused. Furthermore,-Merlin's crack! Look at *that*!"  
  
Snape jutted a long, thin, white finger towards the Forbidden Forest. Neville and Filch, clothed in beautiful white dresses, rod the backs of two centaurs.  
  
"Jolly day, Neville," shouted Harry, waving.  
  
"Oh, I'm free! I'm free," sang Filch. "I'm so joyous. I love you, Neville! I love you all!"  
  
Snape's eyes suddenly narrowed, and he smelled his tea suspiciously.  
  
"Minerva," he barked, "have you drank any tea?"  
  
"No," she said. "I was rather overwhelmed, and have not had a chance to."  
  
"Put it down! This tea is loaded with magic cannabis! That's what's the matter with these people!"  
  
Snape looked to his left, then to his right. Without warning, Snape bolted his tea, then reached for Minerva's. McGonagall yelped, swatted Snape's hand, and promptly drained the contents of her cup.  
  
Fifteen minutes later...  
  
"Why, Severus, that lilac bonnet offsets your black hair brilliantly," said Minerva, pouring everyone another cup of tea.  
  
~FIN~ 


End file.
